Black Bean and Egg Burger!

This is a quick, healthy and protein packed lunch.  I use Morning Star black bean burgers, but you can use any kind of veggie burger (Boca is good too)!

Just take some low carb, whole grain bread and toast it.  No need to butter it, assholes!  That would make this more fattening!  Cook your veggie burger and place it on one slice of the bread. I topped the burger off with some avocado, mixed greens (drizzled w/olive oil, white balsamic, sea salt and pepper) and tomato.  Then I add the egg on the top (over-easy cooked in "Pam" cooking spray)...and top it with my other slice of bread!  This was really good and filled me up!  A great lunch for after a good workout!  Remember that after a good workout, you should feed your body some protein within 45 minutes of that workout!!

Who's To Blame??

Check out this You Tube video above.  It sickens me.  This is the kind of shit our children are exposed to every day.  Yes, we can limit their TV time, their computer time and their time on their phones....but most parents don't.  Even if you do, it's impossible to know what they are watching at a friends house or at the movie theaters.  We can't always put the blame on something or someone else though.  We need to take responsibility for how these kids are being raised too!

This video is focusing on girls, but I think it sends a message to parents of boys as well.  I know I have 3 boys, and I am raising them to respect woman.  I tell them that woman are not put on earth for their needs.  I teach them that woman and men are equal, but we are just wired differently.  I tell them to treat woman the same way as they would like a man to treat their mother!  I've also taught them that personality goes a long way!  A girl who may not be as attractive as another, may have a fantastic personality....therefore making her more attractive than a gorgeous girl who's a bitch on wheels.

My daughter is being brought up a certain way too.  Though I am a health and fitness fanatic, I have not pushed this on my daughter in a negative way.  I never make weight an issue with her.  I speak about health and fitness as a thing to do to take care of the INSIDE of your body....your heart, your arteries...etc.  If I see a girl that is too skinny (and my daughter is with me), I'll even make a comment like:  "that girl needs a cheeseburger!"  I've always made it a point to let her know that she looks great just the way she is.  There is no need to have a bulimic or anorexic teen girl on my hands.  This has gone on in my own family growing up and it's a horrible thing.

The word "appropriate" is used a lot in this house.  My kids know what is appropriate to wear to dinner, to school, to the gym, on an airplane and to church.  Yeah, church.  Remember years ago how people used to dress up for church?  Now, I see teen girls with hip-hugger sweats on that say "Juicy" across the ass...IN CHURCH!  Do you think the 85 year old woman in the pew behind her knows that "Juicy" is a brand?  Hell no!  She just thinks the girl's a whore!  That is NOT appropriate!  But I wonder, what was her mother thinking when she saw her walk out of the house?  Doesn't she care?  Doesn't she think that's inappropriate dress to go to church in??   I'd never allow my daughter to wear that shit to church and she knows better..BECAUSE I'VE RAISED HER LIKE THAT!  Duh!

 Airplanes too!  That's another one!  Remember how dressed up people used to get when they'd fly?  Now people are dressed like complete slobs!  It's shameful.  When we go on vacation, I make sure my kids wear a decent outfit when they fly.  I don't give a fuck how uncomfortable they are.  I paid good money for those tickets and they aren't going to represent my family as the Beverly Fuckin Hillbilly's!  Take the sweats off, assholes!  It's not happening here!

Moms, open your eyes!!!  What kind of message do you want your daughters sending?  Why do some moms want their daughters to grow up so fast???  Why is looking "hot" the most important thing in your house??  (Ahhh...did you notice your daughters skirt is too short??....so short we can see the flaps of her vagina and the bottom of her ass! )  I know too many moms like this.  They want their daughters to be skinny, look hot, have the latest designer shit and look sexy!  WTF???  I want my daughter to look natural, be presentable,respectful, study and get good grades!  Looking sexy isn't going to get you far in life.  It's only going to get you STD's, a loose beaver and a bad reputation.    When your daughter is at the office trying to control her herpes some day....my daughter will be the doctor treating her!  Assholes.

Don't get me wrong, my kids are far from perfect.  I am confident though, that I am sending them the right kind of messages.  With all the shit our kids are exposed to now, it's only up to US to teach them right from wrong.  If you don't preach this to your children while their growing up, they'll only have you to blame someday.  Yeah, they'll be blaming you because they are a fuck up....just like our society puts the blame on everything else, like the media.  We need to start taking responsibility for these children that we have given birth to.  Being a parent should not be an easy job.  And if you think it is, then you are an asshole.

Trojan Man?

It's bad enough that most PG-13 movies should be rated R (my opinion of course), but now we have to see this kind of shit on regular TV??  The other night, we were watching JackAss.  You know the show, where Steevo and Johnny Knoxville do all sorts of stupid stunts and pranks?  At EVERY commercial break, we had the pleasure of seeing the Trojan Ecstasy commercial.....and our 12 year old boy and 14 year old girl were sitting with us.

If you haven't seen this commercial, look it up on YouTube.  It's like a futuristic test lab where they are trying out the new Trojan Ecstasy condom.  It looks and feels real, they claim!  They even show a graphic design of it on a computer screen.  So, if your kid doesn't know what a condom is, they do now....because the graphic design resembles a rocket sized dick!  Then they go on to show a naked man (his junk is "clouded" out) as a blower blows forceful air toward his cock-n-balls!  Of course, he has a pleasureful look on his face.  I'm sure that actor's mother is proud every time she sees this fuckin commercial.

Needless to say, my kids aren't dumb.  I'm sure they knew something was up when we'd switch over to the hockey game only during THAT commercial.  This was about 7:00 in the evening, so most kids are not in bed. Why the hell would these TV stations broadcast this shit?  Don't we have enough problems with kids, STD's and unwanted pregnancies?  Yeah, this is going to "protect" them from those things.  Yeah right, if it stays on.  But is that the point we want to make?  Why is sex such a recreational activity now?  It like having a fuckin after school snack!  What happened to teaching our children that you should only do this with someone you marry or someone you love?

The other commercials that I can't stand are the KY Intense ones.  What happened to a little fuckin privacy?  Isn't this kind of stuff supposed to be sacred between 2 people?  Now we have commercials explaining their intense experiences??  I don't give a fuck assholes and I sure don't want my kids being exposed to this shit!  There's even a KY Intese commercial with two women!  WTF?  What's with this country?  Don't get me wrong, I don't give a shit if you like a man, a woman or if you enjoy screwing farm animals.  Completely your call.  I just don't want this shit thrown in my face or my children's.  What ever happened to a little curiosity?  Let these kids wonder on their own.  Let them be shy and embarrassed like we were when we were young.  All this information is just allowing our kids to be bold, little assholes, who think it's okay to throw their dicks and beaves around!

You can call me old fashioned.  You can call me a prude.  I don't really care.  All I know, is I teach morals in this house.  I tell my boys that if a girl is offering her services, then she's probably a whore.  Nice girls take a lot of coaxing.  I also told them that whores carry disease, like a fucking rat.  I told them it's their choice, but if they fool around with one of these kinds of girls, they will have a nice gift for their "wife to be" someday....."hi, wanna marry me?...don't mind that....it's just a genital wart ON MY DICK!".  I tell my daughter that guys only want one thing and she's not allowed to give it.  I told her that a nice guy respects a girl and her body and shouldn't ever be pushy.  If he is, he's not worth it.  My kids are also taught that sex is something you shouldn't  do unless you are married.  Realistic?...probably not.  But making them think twice about me finding out or God watching them in the act, is always a good thing to keep them thinking!

My Family's 2011 Newsletter

It's that time of year, where the Christmas cards are rolling in.  I enjoy getting cards of families and children so I can see how much everyone has grown since the last year.  It's always great to get those "holiday newsletters" that tell you what happened through the year with their children......NOT.  Do you really think anyone gives a flying fuck how great you and your spouse are?  How great your kids are and how they are on honor roll?  We don't give a rats ass about your new fucking house, your surprise 40th in Hawaii or how you shit rainbows!  I read the first few sentences of these so called "newsletters", roll my fuckin eyes, and don't read any further.  Newsflash!!!! - the only person who cares about all the great things that happened to you this year is your mother, asshole!  No one else gives a fuck.

So, for all those of you who agree with me, here is a realistic "Holiday Newsletter" that most could relate to.

My Family's Bullshit in 2011

2011.  Yeah, it's been grand.  I thought I'd be a restaurant owner by this time.  No such luck.  A longtime dream of Bilbo and I has been to open a bar/restaurant.  We finally had our business plan all drawn up and found a great spot in our town.  February:  After spending a few grand on an architect to "build out" the spot, the landlords decided:  "uh....we changed our minds and don't want a restaurant in that spot anymore".  So, because these people are from town, we decide to be "nice" and say okay, instead of trying to have them cover the money we spent on the architect.  Believe me, they lead us on for months.  They knew we had an architect and even took a look at our plans.  We could have been dicks about it.  To top it all off, they called us a few weeks ago (around December 1st) and asked:  "did you guys still want to open a restaurant?...we have a space for you".  Bilbo told them to go fuck themselves.

That wasn't the only spot we got fucked on.  After that downfall, we found another place in town.  It was an existing restaurant, so it was going to be more do-able without having to build out.  After that landlord agreed to a lease price, he decided to change his mind too.  His exact words were:  "yeah, I'm gonna stick to my ground and I know I told you one price, but I want $xxxxx per month instead, so take it or leave it".  So, we left it.

That restaurant was going to employ all of us.  Instead, I continue to bartend (no more personal training), Bilbo continues to consult people on their investments, the 19 year old works at "Big Lots" (which we like to call Big Cocks), the 17 year old buses tables where I work and the 14 year old keeps scores for basketball games.  The 12 year old does nothing yet except drives us nuts.  We gotta keep us all employed here because we have a lot of bullshit bills with these kids.  Contacts, glasses, braces, Acutane, ADD meds...blah, blah, blah.  Basically without us, these assholes would be blind, stupid, zit-faced, buck-toothed mother fuckers.

To add to the aggravation, our refrigerator broke at the beginning of the year.  Of course it was in a "custom" spot, so only one particular fridge would fit the space.  $10 grand later....FML.  Oh, and yesterday (Dec. 24th) my dishwasher broke.  Merry Christmas asshole.  Yeah, thanks.  Oh wait, last week we got a call from one of our tenants on a property we own and their pipes burst.  Yeah, that cost money too.  Of course these are our tenants that are always 2 months behind in rent.  We'd like to say "fuck em" , but we're  too nice.

In July, we decided to take a road trip to Disney.  To save money, we drove instead of flew and we stayed in a time share property that we traded our other time share for.  We also borrowed a luggage rack from a friend to put all our shit in.  My friend told me to be sure to put a tarp over our shit before closing the luggage rack, because it's not water proof.  Of course, Bilbo never listens to me and he didn't put a tarp on. About 1 hour into the trip, it's pouring like a mother fucker!  Needless to say, all our shit was soaked and smelled like the must from and old woman's crotch.

What more could go wrong on this trip?  Bilbo backed into a fire escape and shattered the whole back window of our SUV.  We had to go to the hardware store and cover the back with plastic and duct tape.  We looked like the Beverly Hillbillies.  Oh yeah, we also got a flat tire.  The inside of the truck looked great too....chocolate and gum stuck to the seats and fucking snots hanging from the ceiling from when one of the assholes sneezed.  Did I mention that truck was a lease and due back to the dealership a week after we got back?

Car trouble?....the 19 year old got in an $800 accident when we got home and got a ticket.  The 1st day the 17 year old had his licence, he backed into a parked car.  Good times.  Good times.

School with the kids has been great too!  So great I want to whistle Dixie out my asshole!  Calls from the Dean and teachers have become a common occurrence.  Stupid shit like:  your son egged another students house, your son drives and the kids he carpools with are throwing bottles at another kid while they drive past in the school parking lot, your son has missed 2 gym classes and the next one will cause him to fail the class, your son is misbehaving in Spanish class and it really takes a lot for me to call a parent - he's pushed me to my limit....etc....etc....   The key word in all of this is YOUR SON.  Unfortunately, it's not one of them....IT'S BEEN ALL 3 OF THEM.  Fuckers.  

There is so much more I could write, but who the fuck has the time?  So to relax a little, we decided to take the kids to Mexico the week before Christmas and that was everyone's Christmas gift.  The trip was great for everyone....for me too.....with only a few mishaps:  after a few too many golden margaritas, I realized (while playing Frisbee in the pool) that my strapless bathing suit was down to my waist.  That's right folks, my  fuckin flapjacks were dangling in the wind.  Kinda looked like a picture from National Geographic.  Who the fuck knows how long my bathing suit was like that.  FML.  Then that night.....I got the runs.  After all that Mexican food, who wouldn't?  I woke up at 3am and sat on the toilet for 34 minutes.  I timed it.  I went back to bed with my underwear off, so I could air out my asshole.  I apparently slept so fucking deep, that the next morning I realized, I continued that 34 minutes and shit my bed too.

So, that's our year in a nutshell.  Some of you are probably rolling your eyes in disgust to some of the shit I just told you.  Well, you are the snobby assholes out there.  This kind of shit happens to everyone, but some of you just don't admit it.  

Asian Broccoli -Tofu Slaw

This is easy and healthy.  It's also a vegetarian dish.  You can find broccoli slaw in the produce department of most grocery stores.  It's in a bag.

What you need:

1 bag broccoli slaw
1 container of firm tofu (cubed)
toasted sesame oil
EVOO
black sesame seeds
salt/pepper
sriracha
low sodium soy sauce
juice from 1/2 lime

First, on low heat, toast your sesame seeds for about 2-3 minutes in no oil.  Then add the bag of broccoli slaw. Toss.  Add a drizzle of sesame oil for flavor and a little more than a drizzle of EVOO (maybe about 1 1/2 tablespoons).  Toss and saute over medium heat until slaw looks a slight bit tender.  Then add your cubed tofu.  Continue to saute about 5 minutes and then add a few dashes of soy sauce.  At this point you can also add sriracha (as much as you desire, because this is spicy).  Toss and remove from heat.  Add the juice from 1/2 lime, salt/pepper to taste and combine.

You can eat this warm or cold.

Workout Tip!

MOST IMPORTANT.......

Your results will always be 70% diet and 30% exercise choice!  So, don't be one of those assholes who thinks if you workout, you can eat "whatever you want".  You can, but you won't look your best!  The results of what your body looks like is 70% based on what you put in your mouth.  That's a fact.

Below is a great article on weights vs. cardio.  It's from one of my favorite websites and I thought I'd share:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/fat_loss_training_wars.htm

RESTAURANT REVIEW......"SUNDA"

This review won't be too long, because it's not one of my favorite places.  I heard a lot about Sunda.  I heard it had great sushi, it was totally cool and trendy.  My take on it was:  good sushi, expensive, lots of douche bags.

I heard they had a "happy hour" where some menu items are half priced.  They call their happy hour "Sunda Social" (Mon-Fri from 5-7).  We decided to do the happy hour because we wanted to hit more places that night and just wanted to check the place out.  Now, for Sunda Social, you need to be seated in the lounge area (I read that on their website).  We walked in and headed for the lounge/bar area.  The place is pretty cool.  It's trendy looking, exposed brick, comfortable, good music.  We sat down and were given the menu.  Our server was a pretty girl, but seemed very young.  She had to be at least 21 to serve alcohol, but she seemed "young" because she spoke like my 12 year old.  She didn't have much wine knowledge and used the word "like" alot.  "Like, uh, I guess I like this one.  It's like one of the more popular ones, like, ya know?"  No, I don't, asshole.

So we ordered a few appetizers from Punkey Brewster: Crunchy Pig Hidden Lobster($19 soy paper, avocado, lobster,jalapeno, sweet chili sauce, bacon, tempura crumbs),  Lobster and Wagyu Roll ( $20 lobster, truffle aioli, jalapeno, scallions, wagyu sashimi) and Toast and Jam ($15 crispy shrimp toast and spicy tuna "jam").  We also had 2 glasses of the Lockwood Pinot Nior for $14 each.

While we waited for our apps, we sat and people watched.  There were so many tools in this place.  Very unfriendly looking people, walkin around like their shit don't stink. It was swimming with people who thought they were "hot".  The energy in the place was nothing but "stuffy".  I don't know why, because it's not a fine dinning type restaurant.  You had your share of trust fund babies, woman in their 40's dressed like skanks, business men with their legs crossed (I hate that), and your typical Jersey Shore crew.  Every place seems to have at least one Jersey Shore crew.  Who the fuck would want to dress and act like those douche bags?  Basically, whenever any of these types of people would get up to go to the restroom, they would walk like a plunger was stuck up their ass.  Assholes.

I'm not going to go into detail on the food.  It was great!  No complaints at all.  Though, it didn't knock  me off my feet.  I had heard sooooo much about this place, I was expecting to really be "wowed".  I have had sushi at other restaurants that was just as good.

We decided to ask for our bill and move on to the next place.  When the bill came, it was $74. 50 before tax.  Fuck me.  We questioned Punkey Brewster about this....since it was Sunda Social, we had heard that menu items in the lounge were half priced.  She responded with a "oh....you wanted the Sunda Social menu?  Those were like the items from the regular menu you had.  I didn't know you wanted the Sunda Social menu??".  What a dumb shit.  I work in a restaurant and the first thing you do when you greet your customers is let them know about the specials.  Why the fuck would she not have told us about Sunda Social?...and I didn't feel the need to ask for a special menu because I assumed that sitting in the lounge between 5 and 7 meant you automatically got the Sunda Social menu.

Bottom line, I will not be going back to Sunda.  I can get good sushi anywhere else in the city.  And any of those other places will have a more comfortable atmosphere, as far as people are concerned.  I may also be lucky enough to get a server who is smarter than a 5th grader.  Sunda has gotten some pretty good reviews, but not from me.  Just not my cup of tea.

 http://www.sundachicago.com/